Monthly Archives: April 2011

Cake.

As you can probably imagine, I’m a big fan of hilarious, no-bullshit, smart-as-a-whip women. I’m an even bigger fan of hilarious, no-bullshit, smart-as-a-whip women who write.

Because of such, I’ve become a regular reader and fan of Redhead Writing. You will, too, after reading this.

Because, she’s right – at the end of the day, it is about the freaking cake. At the risk of sounding like Pink (which is okay, because I love that chick, too), please don’t ever let anyone else talk you out of the things you love. Those people are scared, and often selfish (and usually belong in life-long Yahoo Personals purgatory), and do not deserve your fine faces.

Also, any guy who brings up being “fat” in any context on a date deserves to be left. Every. Single. Time.

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Like whoa.

Here, we took a single question—Is your ideal sex rough or gentle?—and scraped people’s profile text for the words that most correlated to each answer. Here are word clouds for women and men in their 20s.

I posted about this earlier today on Twitter and Facebook, but check out OkTrends 10 Charts About Sex. Your brains will explode into a million, billion, Reece’s-colored bit-sized pieces.

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#softrockTues 4.19.11

As I mentioned previously on the Twitter, every #softrockTues (which I started. You’re welcome) I’m planning on posting my #softrockTues song pick on here and sharing with you, dear readers, the back story of what that particular song means to me.

Today the #softrockTues pick is “Take On Me” by A-Ha.

Yes, it’s the literal version, and it’s fantastic.

This was my life when I was younger: A lot of MTV and a lot of reading (I wasn’t what you would call an “athletic” child). I also have a propensity to memorize really random facts about people in pop culture. For instance, if we’re watching a show together and a guest star pops on who looks familiar to you, I can usually tell you that she’s the girl who played Nicole’s best friend on My Two Dads. And later, while we’re watching that same show and you make a comment about the star’s dancing, I can also tell you that the star of the show used to be on the Mickey Mouse Club (or MMC, as they kept trying to call it. Which actually never caught on. You should also know that “MMC” came on right after “KIDS Incorporated” which also starred Fergie from Black-Eyed Peas (which happened after she was a member of Wild Orchid with her sister Renee (who was also on KIDS) which was a girl group produced by JC Chavez from N’Sync and of which had a guest appearance on 90210 when they kept trying to do that “After Dark” musical guest star performance thing, which is how you know that a show is dying and is about to jump the shark. Aka, The O.C.), Jennifer Love Hewitt, and the guy who later became AC Slater on “Saved By The Bell” but whose real name I can’t remember and don’t really care about enough to go check) and was also in this TV show called Malibu Shores that had really great camera work but super shitty writing and she played a bulimic who hid candy bars under her bed and was really pissed when she was sent to rehab (but the really interesting thing about that show was that the guy who played the girl’s boyfriend was also her boyfriend in real life and was also on the Mickey Mouse Club).

Anyway.

So “Take On Me” by A-Ha had a special place in my heart because A) even today? This video would still be ultra cool and cutting edge B) LOOK at those guys and C) a little story that goes like this –

One random weekend while on a trip with my parents, I convinced myself to buy a Tiger Beat-type magazine because I felt like maybe I should start acting like all the other girls my age. I couldn’t see what the big deal was about these magazines, but it seemed like a lot of girls from my school had posters from Tiger Beat of Kirk Cameron and other boys from shows and bands on their bedroom walls, and I kind of wanted to see what the big deal was.  Also, I was kind of tired of my mom telling me that magazines like Glamour or Harper’s Bazaar were too old for me, and I thought that, just this one time, I could get her off my back when it came to my reading material.

So apparently this magazine had put on a contest for one lucky girl to win the chance to “hang out for a day” with the guys from A-Ha. I already knew who A-Ha was from their “Take On Me” video – which had kind of made me stare at the lead singer with this wide-eyed fascination and whisper, “He’s cuuuute.” I also already knew that they were from Norway and that they had been given some type of medal or award from the Queen of Norway for musical excellence, which I thought was weird since I only knew one song of theirs, but I figured that Norway must not have a lot of bands then, so maybe having one song on MTV must be a really big deal*.

This girl with long brown hair and a jean jacket won the contest, so they took what looked like really boring pictures of the girl and the band hanging out in a park together. One of the pictures was of the lead singer holding up half this girl’s hair, with an expression on his face like he had never been allowed to touch a girl’s hair before and could not wrap his head around the fact that he was able to do it now. The quote was “She had really soft hair. She must use nice shampoo.”

That was it. That was pretty much the whole gist of the afternoon hangout. I remember reading the story and thinking, “GOD. These guys are totally dumb and BORING*.”It was the first time in my life that I realized that super cute boys could also be super dumb. And that realization changed my entire life.

The End.

*Later, when I started to gain a better conceptualization of Norway and its inhabitants, this started to make more sense.

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SuperFriends Friday: Jeremy from Afterglide

Amber and anyone else wise to the wily ways of the beast that is online dating — and, of course, dating in general — will tell you that one of the most important things you can do is be yourself. Yes, you’ve heard it time and time again to the point that it’s practically cliché. Be yourself because who else can you be? Show your true colors. Be true to yourself. Keep your pants on at the dinner table. Ok, that last one was mainly just a reminder for my own future reference. I get confused sometimes.

Yes, showing your true personality is crucial in finding the right mate. After all, why go through the motions of creating a completely false, glossy version of yourself, knowing full well that sweet, chocolatey Magic Shell is going to be blown away the first time you accidentally laugh so hard you fart or irately shriek at another driver in rush hour traffic? But how much of yourself up front is too much? Is there such a thing as being too open of a book?

Are you an animal lover? Do you adore your pets? By all means, write about them. Post photos of yourself playing with the dogs outside, napping with the cat in your lap, or making kissy faces at your parrot. But don’t have your pets in every single photo, and don’t post 20 photos, 5 of them of you, and 15 of your animal farm without you anywhere in the frame. One might argue that your future mate would essentially be in a relationship with your pets, as well, but Fido doesn’t look nearly as good in tight jeans as you do. And if you think he does, then I suspect we can find a few special chat rooms for you with minimal Googling.

Do you have a bawdy sense of humor and a potty mouth? Mention that in your profile, or find a clever way to make that clear without getting booted off the website. However, don’t immediately bust out every curse word and raunchy sex joke in the first email. While it’s important to be open about who you are, some people aren’t comfortable talking about certain subject matters until they get to know someone better. They might very well have a very similar sense of humor to your own but may find being talked to in that manner by a complete stranger to be off-putting. Be edgy and funny, but don’t come off as a crass jerk. Unless that’s your thing (if so, meet me behind the dumpster at Panda Express — bring an awl and a heavy poncho).

Do you have an unusual or fringe interest or hobby some might consider to be odd? If you are a huge Star Trek fan and attend conventions in homemade costumes, go ahead and mention that in your profile, but make it clear that there is a lot more to you than Star Trek. If you are a Star Trek fan to the point that you own no flatware that isn’t embossed with a Starfleet insignia, and you’ve quit your job to hide full time in William Shatner’s bushes, perhaps you should be seeking dates on a Star Trek fan site or other online forum. By the way, your pastime doesn’t have to be considered nerdy or geeky for that advice to apply. If you like to run in a marathon each year, and staying fit and healthy is highly important to you, mention it. If you run a marathon each and every month and wouldn’t consider dating someone who couldn’t run all of them with you, consider finding an online community that caters to marathoners. Be unique in a fun and quirky way, but don’t come off as a one-note freak.

Are you as dry as 12 grain toast? You know who you are. Top 40 radio is just too torrid, a pinch of black pepper on a side salad drains your sinuses, and anything stronger than a lukewarm cup of Earl Gray keeps you up far too long past your 9 pm bedtime. You like it safe, you like it routine, and you want to find someone who takes comfort in the same. Be honest about your interests, but try to frame them in a positive way without complaining about how you hate going out, hate loud music, and can’t stand being kept up too late. You’re admittedly a homebody, you love quiet, soothing music, and you are a morning person. Positive! Sure that will sound boring to a lot of people, but those are the same people who are going to try to drag you out of the house to experience life. Don’t let them do it! There is someone out there just as bland as you who is willing to jump in and butter your Brownberry.

Of course, it’s easy to tell people to put all of their cards on the table immediately, but we all have our fears, character flaws, painful past experiences, and hangups. Part of the adventure of every new relationship is learning about each other over time. If finding the right person was as easy as walking around dropping f-bombs and burping openly, then online dating sites wouldn’t exist. Or they would consist only of photos and videos of people doing really stupid and gross things. In other words, they would be Facebook.

SuperFriends Friday is a weekly guest post featuring assorted triumphant champions (and ,sometimes, former victims) of online dating. If you’d like to read more of Jeremy’s musings, you can find him here and here.

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“How uncouth! My blood was boiling. I hated him.”

These three lines right here made my morning. I love this girl!

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