Let’s cut the shiz. Even when I was 19 and in my ill-fated first year of college, I saw through the whole “let’s hang out” angle that guys would offer. “Hey, let’s hang out this weekend. I’ll call you” usually translated into, “When I feel like it, maybe I’ll call you at 6 to see if you’re doing anything, at which point you can either give up any notion of a potential relationship with me because you gave up and made other plans knowing full well that I’ll probably never call you again because now it means too much effort; or you can feel like a pathetic loser by admitting that you waited around for me to call and don’t mind at all if we hang out in my dorm room all night watching skateboarder flicks.”
The bottom line of the “let’s hang out” angle – and especially the “Hey, I’m hanging with my friends at the Green Mill tonight, you should come by” type-request- is that you’re really only looking out for your own comfort, not hers. And that’s just lame, lazy, and a little rude.
I know what some of you are thinking right now. I can almost hear it float out of your heads and through the hoods of your sweatshirts and white baseball caps…“Planning a date is too much pressure…why can’t we just keep it casual and see what happens?” Because “keeping it cas’!” means that you don’t actually like her all that much, sparky. And we know it. It’s the same as planning the mid-week date, or the Saturday afternoon date – you’re saving the real effort for the girl you actually like (and don’t just want to sleep with). We catch onto that stuff pretty quickly, guys. Just at the point where you think you’re being sly is also the point when most girls are watching you with narrowed eyes, wondering how long she’ll let you drag this out before she starts writing about you on her blog.
I’m not saying you have to make a whole production of the thing…but show a little effort there, eh, slackerpants? Low on the cash flow? Easy: Take her out for a fun, low-key night of pizza and beer. Better yet, buy her a coffee and take a walk somewhere. Not great at planning stuff and/or full of anxiety over the idea that she’ll hate what you plan? Give her some carefully laid out options and the freedom to choose what she likes best. There are a million ways to come out of this looking like a confident man who knows what he’s doing (and you’ve got someone on your side who can help you if you still feel clueless).It’d be sad news if you killed your chances before you’ve even begun, esp since all it takes is a clearly-defined plan (Example: “Let’s do coffee at Common Roots at 5. How does that sound?”…see? And I didn’t even break a sweat!) – and a measure of consideration for her comfort. It’d be even sad-sap-sadder if you lost her to some other guy hip to the game who did actually take her out on a real, honest-to-god, just-like-in-the-movies, actual first date.
And those guys are out there. Their names are Bill, Raymond, and Harry, and they know what’s up.
Looved this article, Navigating The World of Online Dating (thanks, Luke, for the heads up!). Everyone who does online dating should read it.
And yes, I did take a small, slight exception to the part about there being a million people out there eager to tell you how to write your online profile and “often for a fee” ( it makes us sound like carpetbaggers). However, she does have a solid point in that over-thinking your profile and photos can get you stalled in the process of simply starting online dating. It’s kind of like writing that cover letter or first chapter of your book – if you over-think it, you’ll terrify yourself out of just doing it. And that’s the whole point of it, right? Getting out there, doing something, taking an active step towards changing your life.
So start. Just do it. Slap some words onto that profile. Think about the things you wish every potential date could know about you (try to keep it light, though, Tori Amos) and just start writing that shiz out. You can clean it up later (or get someone else to do it for you). The point is? Get out there. Wrangle Valentine’s Day into submission.
Because in a week? Well, let’s just say that Valentine’s Day is to online dating sites what New Year’s Eve is to fitness centers…
More Americans Dating Co-Workers, Survey Finds.
What do you guys think about this? I’ve always been a staunch opponent of dating where you work. I see the benefit and the allure…it’s an available pool of peers, and you do spend most of your time with them. But in my experience, unless I think it’s a life-long love match, I just won’t go there… Let’s just say that I’ve had one too many “Oh god, and now I have to see you every day at work” break-up experiences.
What do you guys think? Yay for dating Joe Cardigan in the cubical across the way, or keep it your pants, homeboy, we work here (Nay)?
Because this is kind of the whole point of this, right? At least maybe the eternity part, if you’re not into the whole marriage thing. Or maybe you’re not into the eternity thing, either? I don’t know. I’m not here to judge you.
Ready to get started on a story of your own?
[Via Pimsleur Approach]
Still sad about being single? Check out CD Sidekick’s Valentine’s Day Special.
For most singles, Valentine’s Day can be a dreaded reminder of their solitary status. Here at Cyber Dating Sidekick, we prefer to manhandle those sad-sap tendencies and think of it as the perfect time to fire up those love rockets. If Valentine’s Day prompts you take a fresh look at your love life…that probably means that tons of other hot-bots are doing the exact same thing, too, right? So whether you’re just starting to skyrocket into cyber dating space or want a little added adrenaline boost, our Valentine’s Day Special has got you covered. It includes:
The Golden Lasso (a personalized profile critique)
5 personalized matches (done by an actual person who knows what you want, versus a mathematical algorithm)
A special Bat-Signal session, complete with assistance on how to write the perfect message to said matches.
All for the special price of $30.00.
Think of it as a special little heart-shaped box of cyber chocolates. Only, these are the kind that will get you back into fighting shape instead of taking you out of it. Because we love you! Awww.